Moving Forward, Blindly

Meet my new header and layout. I thought the more random the better, right? It amuses me, anyhow.

Due to my prolonged unemployment, my emotions ebb and flow between moping about rejection and sheer determination to make something of my life. Is it just me, or can anyone relate? Of course, if you’ve been following along, there are many other factors playing into my brain game. I’m freelancing while looking for gainful employment that’s marginally fulfilling, involving my major or writing, in New York. However, by the end of the year I will likely be in Seattle or Albany when Collin figures out a life adventure plan (Seattle internship turning into a long term stay and later grad school) or grad school plan (Albany has a sweet program and a later application deadline).

I’ve been creating theoretical non-starters in my head. The obvious acknowledgment is that I’d be joining Collin wherever he goes. As it stands, I have flexibility because I’m freelancing, uncertain about my future career and have no real problem with setting up somewhere new. If I got a substantial job in NYC, I’d have to decide whether to stay for a while or not, theoretically. But there are approximately 8,000 what-ifs I don’t have answers to. While I like to plan things in advance, this kind of situation demands that I just figure it all out when we get there. Or you know, anywhere.

The reason this is on my mind, besides always being on my mind, is that we officially put the apartment on the market. Our home will eventually be someone else’s! Eep. See, Collin bought this studio and moved in January 2009. He thought he’d be a bachelor for a while and that he’d stay in NYC forever. Well, obviously plans are for suckers. I met Collin six months after his move and we quickly became a perfect match (heh heh). Then a year later he realized that maybe the city wasn’t where he wanted to be forever, or at least not right now.

I’m learning about the selling process right now, and it makes sense that we have the place on the market even before we have a plan. (They’re for suckers, remember?) Our apartment is quite a winning deal in my opinion, but you never know what will happen. It could sit around for months or get sold in mere weeks. While I think we’re ready to move on from this apartment in the sense that our next one will rock wherever we land – cheaper rent and big bedrooms! – it still is kind of sad to really think about leaving and moving.

I can occasionally be overly sentimental, so I will probably write a long and sappy post whenever we end up leaving the city. I loved living in Oregon and it was a great first start at independence. My “end game” had been NYC for so long, it’s hard to pick up and leave, especially when I think that I failed a little bit here. I succeeded in having a great job for a while, making great friends and having new, fun experiences, but I didn’t succeed in sustaining that for the long term.

Then again, who knows what’s out there for me? Seattle, Albany… or beyond.

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