“The moral of the story is, I chose a half measure, when I should have gone all the way. I’ll never make that mistake again. No more half measures, Walter.” — Mike, Breaking Bad
This isn’t really a new concept, but I feel like I read more about it lately and as a confused twenty-something I think about it a ton. Social media and texting have given us great benefits. The glaring drawback? Allowing people to maintain a certain amount of distance while appearing connected. I’m guilty of this too at times, but now that I’m working to change my ways I’m relentlessly annoyed by people doing this. Or hey, maybe it’s just me. I’ve had it suggested — somewhat rightfully — that if so many people react to me or treat me a certain way, maybe it’s something to do with me that I haven’t picked up on yet.
I’ve chosen to move around a lot. I’ve put myself in situations where I’ve had to make new friends and it’s hard. I’ve been suddenly single and trying to date or have fun or find something serious. I’ve been living a half measure for a while because I didn’t know what I wanted well enough to commit to just about anything. But now I’m formulating full measures. I have more concrete ideas about what I want from life. I work harder to make and hold on to friends. I work harder to tell people how I feel and what I want. I weigh what is worth the effort and what isn’t. Sometimes, still, I get burned. It’s personal growth, for sure, but it’s also a product of games people play through the detachment of their communication, whether they know it or not.
My mind is probably in a more distraught place than usual because of the horrible tragedy in Newtown, CT, and I haven’t been able to pull out yet. Following that coverage from the first report with hope to complete and total despair when the reality came to light hours later has been so disheartening. I’ve already been in constant self reflection because of some turning-point decisions in my life, and this just shifted everything even more into focus.