This wasn’t a tragedy, but to me extreme embarrassment might as well be a horrific event. And the old saying goes, “Tragedy plus time equals comedy.” Unless you’re Tig Notaro, of course.
Yesterday was a fun day off for President’s Day. Jeremy and I took a random trip to Hudson for breakfast and wandered about in the snow. I visited Amelia to catch up and watched Cougartown. Then I had to take Sabrina to the vet.
This cat was not pleased with me. She is a fighter even on the little things, so I’m not surprised I came out of the struggle to put her in her carrier with a head wound. We got to the vet, waiting amid far too many barking dogs, and found out her kitty acne was not a big deal unless it got worse. Hooray. I paid the fee and left. As I drove home with an angry meowing cat that just won’t quit, I debated about my parking situation: should I park on my block to remove the cat and then move to the garage (to avoid parking on the narrow street and impending snowfall), or should I park in the garage and just walk home with the cat.
Well, I decided to park in the garage and carry the cat home. This is doubly face-palmy because the snow didn’t even start until later today so I earned very little by not parking on the street.
The walk already starts out weird as a truck stops on a green light to wave me through the cross walk, despite cars behind him. Um, okay. I guess that’s nice but not very logical since, you know, I can cross when the light changes like normal. Then I’m a block from my apartment. I see some guys up ahead, and as I reach them (remember, I have a plastic cat carrier in my arms) one guys says, “hey, be careful it’s kind of icy right here.” I thank them and proceed like normal because I’m just in ‘time to get home’ mode and assume my boots can handle the ice. Immediately as I pass them I start sliding, slipping and wobbling for a few inches before luckily – and barely – stopping instead of falling with a cat carrier in my arms. The guys behind me say something and I think one moved to try to catch me. I just say something like “oh god!” and just keep moving, incredibly embarrassed as they call out that there’s another icy spot. I’m pretty sure I just keep saying thank you and oh my god and rambling through the shame. I stay close to the buildings and walk slowly, full embarrassment setting in. I hear a car back there stop and yell to the guys something about what just happened, and then honking. I turn around and see cars lined up and just keep on going as I turn the corner and enter my apartment.
I free the cat, fall to the ground, and try to not freak out. Scary, embarrassing, full public humiliation is very overwhelming. I pour a tall glass of scotch and immediately get in the shower.
Today I still have some lingering embarrassment and my back hurts, but I survived. And that’s the story of how I almost killed myself and my cat on an icy sidewalk. Thanks a lot,